Dear Bloggy friends,
I’m still alive and sometimes reading other people’s blogs, but feel ambivalent about continuing to write on this blog. All the transitions I have been going through have made me rethink what I want to be spending time on.

I feel vindicated by this article in the NY Times, featuring Barbara Ganley, a friend of a bloggy friend. After experimenting on some other blogs, with writing more regularly, in order to build audience, I have decided it’s not for me. The thing I like about blogging in making connections with people, not thinking up things to write about every day.

I think I write less when I’m confused and more when I have a passionate opinion on a particular topic. Right now I’m more confused than passionate. I think I’m enjoying my new program, but I still feel nervous because I don’t know who is trustworthy and who I need to be politic with.

Also, Beorn has been getting sicker and sicker and I’m not sure what to say about that. It wasn’t until last summer that I realized how disabled Beorn had become, but it started about a year ago, and yet we still don’t have a diagnosis. We suspect rheumatoid arthritis, but still haven’t seen a rheumatologist. Between the joint pain, particularly in his knees, and the sciatica, it’s difficult often difficult for him to get up out of bed or out of a chair. Walking up and down the stairs is a major production. And he’s fatigued all the time, partly from the anemia and partly because the pain wakes him up a night.

The prospect of living with someone with a chronic, painful illness has left me rather speechless.

The good news is despite Beorn not being able to really work, we have medical coverage through my program. Beorn has been seeing a chiropractor and massage therapist, which helps some. Also, we have something here in Crunchy town called a “community” acupuncture clinic, which means that the acupuncturist treats several people a once and charges on a sliding scale. The acupuncture seems to be helping somewhat. Until we know what the problem really is, we are just having to wait. This illness has disrupted the illusion that I had that that it is possible to plan for the future. Right now I’m just enjoying the moments when Beorn is relatively pain free.